The Barclays Championship
Winner: Heath Slocum
When the Barclays was won by Heath Slocum,
Did it prove that the playoffs are hokum?
Beating Els, Woods, and Stricker
May make some fans sicker―
But who cares? We all saw Heath smoke ‘em!
The Deutsche Bank Championship
Winner: Steve Stricker
With a game that at times waxed Shakespearean
On a course that could be Luciferean,
Though he’s been tempest-tossed,
His was no Labor lost―
Plus, it made Stricker’s wins trinitarian.
The BMW Championship
Winner: Tiger Woods
Well, at last, the Big Cat crashed the buffet!
And his manners were horribly gruff, eh?
After fasting for weeks,
He devoured the golf geeks
Of whose prattle he’d had quite enoughet.
The Tour Championship
Winner: Phil Mickelson
It only felt like forty days and
Forty nights of high tides raisin’
Over East Lake―
That was his wake.
Man, Phil’s play was just amazin’!
The FedEx Cup
Winner: Tiger Woods
Though the Championship welshed on their tryst
And he needed Phil’s help―what a twist!―
Tiger won the ten mill…
And the FedEx Cup still
Doesn’t know what it’s like to be kissed!
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