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Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Chupacaddie Caught?

Is it for real? Does it truly exist? Such arguments may now be a mere footnote in the history of urban legend.

It appears the legendary chupacaddie has finally been caught.

Groundskeepers at the TPC Boston, site of this week’s Deutsche Bank Championship, announced this morning that they had found the dead body of the creature in a secluded corner of the practice range. Apparently it died from overeating; investigators say its overstuffed body may have contained as many as 1200 range balls. “It’s also possible that it died from food poisoning,” animal control officer Jake Forrest said. “Range balls simply aren’t as fresh as those from a pro shop. There’s no telling how so many might have affected its system.”

The name roughly translates as “equipment sucker.” The creatures are frequently blamed for the vandalism and even theft of a professional’s equipment, although some particularly vengeful chupacaddies have been blamed for the appearance of extra clubs in bags during rounds. Golf balls seem to be a particular favorite of the chupacaddie, as pro shops have occasionally reported entire shipments going missing without any other plausible explanation.

No photos have been allowed, and the practice area has been closed to TV cameras and onlookers alike. Sponsors hope this will force the crowds to watch the tournament this weekend.

While many people claim to have sighted the creature in the past, this is the first undeniable evidence of its existence, despite the determined efforts of cryptid hunters. The search began over a decade ago when, according to legend, Steve Williams rescued Frank, Tigers Woods’s longtime head cover, from the creature’s very jaws during a lost ball search after one of Tiger’s wilder drives.

Woods was unavailable for comment. A spokesman for the Woods camp simply described the news as “interesting.”

(Hey, everybody needs a good laugh now and then!)

1 comment:

  1. Ha! I hear Bigfoot is applying for caddy jobs on tour now!